Thursday, August 28, 2008

To Be or To Act

Recently I've been asking myself a question: Am I a nice person? And I really don't know the answer. I'm not sure which part of not knowing worries me more, the simple fact that I don't know for sure, or the chance that I'm not a nice person. I want to be a kind person. I think. If I say I want to be something, I want to know what that something involves. I wouldn't go out of my way to apply for a job which has a nice sounding title, but requires that which I do not have. I have thoughts all the time about how little I think of a person, or how unimpressive I think they are. When I actually talk to them however I'm going out of my way to be as understanding and non judgmental as I can. Is kindness simply a matter of editing what you're actually thinking? Is it really editing, or are you being dishonest with yourself or that person? Isn't dishonesty usually looked upon as unkind? When we meet people, is our initial processing of assessing a persons personality merely trying to figure out how dishonest we need to be with them? Is a persons kindness measured by how willing they are to do things they don't want to do and not complain about it? There is a time and place for being courteous, but I certainly don't want people bullshitting me? Or do I? Do I want people to just be so good at bullshitting that I have no idea what their true feelings are? Is ignorance really bliss?

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