Here we go again...

Oh cruel world. It's a good thing nobody reads this. Although the lengths at which I document my own tragedy annoys me sometimes, I can only imagine what other people think... I actually know what they think, a couple have told me. I don't know if I'm going through some kind of mid-life crisis or something, but it seems like I should be in some kind of relationship right now. It seems like everyone, and I do mean everyone, that I hang out with has some kind of significant relationship, or is on the cusp of something serious. I want one of those. This is exactly what I was afraid of though. It's a dangerous thing to ever be in a desperate situation, but especially dangerous to be desperate for love. When you're desperate for love you start to blur the lines of what you really want to make those even half way interested fit into your expectations, or if you're already in a relationship you might use your energy burying your frustrations in the "all couples fight" folder and just move on, beating the already dead horse. It's a little unfortunate for me because all the girls I know, all the cool one's anyways are already in relationships or doing that whole "I need to be independent thing", but I must say I really like girls that like the "independent" thing, because that's what I like... but here I am saying I want to be in a relationship... stupid brain. With my second girlfriend Kim, I'll never be sure if I made the right decision. I was feeling a little overwhelmed with the amount of time we were spending together, we were practically living with one another. When I broke up with her, at first, it felt like a big weight had been lifted, like finally getting to the surface and taking a big breath after you'd been drowning in the ocean. I've missed on more than one occasion being with a person the genuinely liked me and wanted to spend time with me, but to be honest with ones self it's important to recognize that a person liking you and wanting to be with you all the time are not strong enough to build a relationship on. I'm really happy for my friend Dedric, he hasn't had a girlfriend for a while, which is no fault of his own, and he's found someone that he's sort of seeing or whatever and she seems pretty cool. My roommate Jay has a fuck buddy person thing, but he's seems to be investing more into the relationship that one would with a regular fuck buddy. I must say ladies, if you heard how he talks about you when you're not around I don't think you'd wanna be with him... well, I don't know, I've noticed some of my lady friends stay in relationships even though the dude treats them like shit, and I guess some girls think it's like a bad boy thing and that's "hot" or something. I guess I'm be a nice guy, and I hear that we finish last, so I'm not holding my breath, but at least I can say that I can last longer, hehe, that's not a very good joke. Sometimes I really hate being the nice guy. I've had girls hang out with me after they break up with their bad boy boyfriends, and they say things like "oh JD, you're such a nice guy, why don't I date guys like you" and I wonder the same god damn thing, and of course I sit their and be nice, then they find another "cool guy." It also sucks when you ask when of your lady friends if they think that other guys would be threatened by you and they just laugh. I guess I just need to be more confident or something... I hear that's kind of important. Whatever, I guess everybody finds somebody eventually... and if they don't they find a hetero life mate and start a magic tiger show in Vegas baby! (be careful about that tiger show though, sometime they maul you, then you die in a hospital a couple days later)